Flashback

Maria (June 5, 2008) No to War - s Attribution - Non-Commercial - Sarealike Licence




Yesterday Christopher and I went to see American Sniper in the theater.  We are pretty cautious when seeing modern-day war movies because they often stir up memories and feelings from our own deployments to Iraq.  This time was no different.  Usually SEAL movies resonate more with me due to the particulars of my experiences in the military.  In the same vein, Christopher is typically effected most by Army movies.

Before seeing American Sniper, Christopher asked me if I really wanted to.  The last movie we watched hit us both pretty hard, and, lets just say, a lot of alcohol and a late night followed.  His question just made me more determined to watch it.  If I can’t stand to face the feelings such movies elicit, how can I believe that I’ve moved on from those feelings?  Maybe it’s a habit of self-masochism to make myself face those feelings, but I don’t think so. 

Patriotic movies always remind me of why I did it in the first place.  They give me a sense of commitment to my past and a feeling of self-righteousness for the decisions I have made.  Perhaps I don’t deserve that, but, it is what it is. 

This particular cinematic experience effected me differently.  This time, I identified more with Chris Kyle’s wife, and I viewed Christopher more from the aspect of  the deployed individual.  That is unusual for me.  Since I experienced Christopher’s deployment never having deployed myself,  I had no concept of what he went through overseas or upon coming home.  I kept thinking, did I act like Chris Kyle’s wife?  Is that what it was like for him?  I hope I fought for Christopher as hard as she fought for her husband, but I’m sorry that I made things harder by not understanding the effect my words and demands had. 

I sincerely hope that the popularity and honesty that these movies possess will cause the world to become educated on the challenges veterans face both overseas and upon coming home. Those challenges easily pervade every aspect of a veteran's life, and they definitely change them forever.  Those who haven’t deployed are hard-pressed to understand the challenges and account for them in a way that will make the world a better place for veterans.